


Thoughts

by ATEEZpresent



Category: ATEEZ
Genre: ATEEZ smut, Choi San - Freeform, I'm a slut for yeosan okay i don't even know if that's the proper ship name but whatever I love it, Kang Yeosang - Freeform, M/M, Smut, and San is an angel:(, handjobs, jerking off, mentions of Hongjoong and Mingi, weewoo weewoo Kang Yeosang is emotional, yeosan smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 04:22:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17821820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ATEEZpresent/pseuds/ATEEZpresent
Summary: Yeosang has emotions and he's mad about it, and San is an angel that just wants to help him (in more ways than one)





	Thoughts

Yeosang thought he had a pretty good hold on life, thought he had pretty decent and thought that he had his life pretty well in order and figured out  
Keyword: thought; past and past-tense participate of think  
Every little bit of what Yeosang had previously believed to be true was suddenly crushed, by none other than another man  
That was one of Yeosangs first concerns. When he’d first joined ATEEZ (formerly: KQ Fellaz) he was more than ecstatic at all of the adventures that would be presented to him  
The one adventure he hadn’t expected had been the one that he had with his sexuality. Yeosang thought he had a pretty good grip on himself. Thought he was straight. He hadn’t had any form of attraction to men since he first turned 13 and became an absolute hornball filled with confusion and hormones that he - of course - repressed and tried to forget about. And now it was back to smack him in the face. Awesome.  
He’d been nervous to meet his new bandmates, the people he’d be spending far too much time with and who he’d inevitably grow close to. And they were all really nice. Especially one boy in particular.  
This boy was Choi San. And when Yeosang first met him, he was fresh faced and nervous. He had the eyes of a confused doe and the smile of an angel, and when San first shook Yeosangs hand, Yeosang absolutely melted into a puddle  
And good god Yeosang had almost been hoping that San would end up a complete asshole and Yeosang would have more reason to repress the bubbling in his stomach and the flutter in his heart, but of course San was one of the nicest people that Yeosang had ever met. Why wouldn’t he be. He’s already the whole package, might as well finish it off with a sparkling bow  
Yeosang could hardly meet his eyes in the beginning. He felt so shy and small, despite the fact that they were almost the same height and that San never intentionally tried to make himself seem bigger. In fact, San was more of someone to make himself seem a whole foot shorter than he already was. He had the playful nature of a child and went absolutely bashful whenever you complimented him. He was completely and utterly adorable.  
As time passed, months flew by and ATEEZ had debuted. And as ATEEZ grew, so did San. No. Not in height. Yeosang was pretty sure that hadn’t changed since he was 15, but he grew bolder and more confident  
And Yeosang loved and envied such confidence, but he despised it all the same. San still had the same smile of an angel, but now he had dance moves and a body specially crafted by the devil himself  
And it turned Yeosang on a lot more than he ever expected  
Yeosang spent way too long in the shower now after shows, jerking off to the visuals he had retained of San performing on stage.  
And of course, that’s what he was doing right now.  
Yeosang had his back against the shower wall - his entire body dripping head to toe as he had tried to just clean up and repress his throbbing boner - and beratedly wrapped a hand around his cock  
His entire body twitched in his hand and he let what sounded like a sob as he began stroking himself quickly. He tried to think of anyone that wasn’t San. Anyone that wasn’t a man. Tried thinking about boobs. Thought of that girl he dated in high school. But those thoughts just left him on edge. They were fine but they werent enough  
He felt tears fall down his face at the feeling of confusion, helplessness, and pure pleasure as his thoughts began to wander, and he couldn’t do a thing about them anymore  
His thoughts wandered to San and his perfect body. He thought about San on his knees for him, looking up at Yeosang with those thoughtful and innocent eyes as he awaited Yeosangs cum on his face  
He pictured San shoving him against the wall and fucking him until he couldn’t think anymore. God he wanted it so bad.  
Yeosang let out another sob as he came. It was unsatisfactory and left Yeosang feeling completely stupid and in distress  
He washed his hands off under the water before he knelt down slowly, allowing himself to let out a loud sob and let his tears fall freely  
He didn’t know what was wrong with him or why he felt this way about his friend.  
Don’t get him wrong, he wasn’t stupid, he knew what homosexuality was. He just never considered that he would question himself, or that he would be so overwhelmed so suddenly by sheer love and attraction towards one of his bandmates  
He let out another loud sob - now ugly crying - before knocking over his shampoo and conditioner out of pure anger at himself  
And as a knock sounded on the door of his hotel room, he froze.  
“Yeosangie? Hyung? Are you in there? Are you okay?” San’s voice sounded from the other end of the door.  
Yeosang temporarily wondered how long he’d been in the shower, as San had left with the rest of the band for dinner, and though they were rooming together, Yeosang hadn’t expected him to be back so early  
“Yeah I’m fine! Just knocked something over!” Yeosang yelled back in a shaky voice, quickly picking up the bottles and turning off the water  
“Are you sure? You sound really upset..and I thought I heard you crying” San said  
And Yeosang could hear the sincerity and concern in San’s voice, so desperately wishing that he couldn’t  
“I’m okay Sanie, don’t worry about me!” Yeosang said in return, hoping to calm the nerves of the younger while slipping on sweatpants and a far-too-big shirt that Mingi had leant him and he’d never given back  
He took his time making sure he looked okay. He wasn’t worried about looking ugly in front of San. He wasn’t worried about him seeing Yeosang without makeup. He just wanted to make sure you couldn’t tell that he’d been crying  
As Yeosang gathered himself and slowly putting back together the shards of his broken heart, hoping they would stay together until he could inevitably break it again all on his own  
When he decided that he looked okay and didn’t appear to have been crying for the past 20 minutes, he opened the door of the bathroom  
As he opened the door, he was met with San still standing in front of it. His eyes were filled with concern and love and Yeosang couldn’t possibly bring himself to look him in the face, he’d definitely break again  
“Yeosangie,” San said carefully, coming a bit closer and wrapping his arms around Yeosang  
And Yeosang didn’t even have to look in his eyes to collapse again. As San rubbed his back comfortingly, Yeosang’s heart broke into more pieces than it ever had before, and he allowed himself to be held in San’s arms  
San held him so tightly and so firmly, one hand rubbing his back while the other carded through his hair as he left the softest possible kisses against Yeosang’s head  
Yeosang and San had never been physically close. Emotionally they connected on many levels, but physically they never really cuddled with each other like San would with Yunho or Wooyoung or like Yeosang did with absolutely nobody except his plushie, their friendship just wasn’t really like that, but Yeosang was more than happy to allow San to lead him to his bed, situating them so Yeosang was wrapped around him and his head was rested against San’s chest, listening to the calming and consistent sound of San’s heartbeat  
Eventually the clouds in Yeosang’s brain cleared and his tears stopped flowing, and he knew the question was coming  
“Yeosangie what happened? What upset you?” San asked in a gentle tone, still holding Yeosang protectively  
Yeosang was frozen in place, despite expecting the question. He wasn’t sure what to say, whether he should lie or come clean. Should he say he just had a long day? That he was just tired?  
Yeosang crawled out of San’s warm embrace and sat up with his legs crossed next to San. He put his head in his hands yet again and took a deep breath  
“Have you ever..” he began, but trailed off, the lump in his throat cutting him off  
San sat up next to him and nodded responsively, showing nothing but patience and caring  
Yeosang choked back the lump and the tears that threatened him again and inhaled deeply  
“Haveyoueverquestionedyoursexuality?” He asked quickly, standing somewhere between hoping San understood the question and praying that he didn’t  
“Yeah” San replied thoughtfully, “I’ve questioned my sexuality many times”  
“But I mean like..since you were 16? Have you questioned it since after you were 16 and your hormones started to calm down?”  
San went silent for a few moments before responding, “no. I haven’t really”  
And every nerve ending in Yeosang’s body was on fire and his every brain cell was screaming for him to just run and seek comfort in someone like Hongjoong, who wouldn’t question him and would just comfort him  
“But I questioned it every day before that,” San continued  
Yeosang cocked his head in confusion and San’s eyes crinkled as a small smile appeared on his face, “I’ve pretty much known I was gay since I was 6. I just stopped questioning it and accepted it instead when I was 16.”  
Yeosang’s head flicked up to look at San so fast that he thought he’d gotten whiplash. And now San was the nervous one, reaching over and grabbing Shiber, petting him in comfort. Yeosang calmed himself down quickly and continued speaking  
“I’ve been questioning mine for a while,” Yeosang said quietly, “and it’s scaring me”  
San nodded, “its a scary thing, especially with the world South Korea lives in”  
San and Yeosang sat and talked for a while, Yeosang felt more comfortable discussing his vulnerabilities now that San had admitted to him as well.  
“I don’t know if I am or not. I’ve only ever been with girls before, y'know, intimately, so I don’t know how I could know,” Yeosang blushed, looking away and curling in one himself. He could not believe he basically just told San that he’d only had sex with girls before  
“Never been with a guy before?” San asked, suddenly looking a bit bold, slightly scaring Yeosang, “you’re missing out”  
Yeosang snorted, “oh yeah? What am I missing out on?”  
And suddenly there was a mood switch. Everything had gone from nervousness and vulnerability to sexual tension really quickly, though you’d never find Yeosang complaining, despite how strange it may seem  
“You want me to tell you?” San said, his voice a little bit huskier and his body moving closer to Yeosangs yet again, his hands running slowly up and down Yeosang’s thighs  
“I want you to show me,” Yeosang said, taking a shot in the dark  
San bit his lip and his breathing became a bit laboured, “I would love nothing more”  
San’s hands ran slowly up Yeosang’s thighs, continuing to his hips and slid all the way to cup Yeosangs face gently before he leaned in close  
“Well you see, girls lips are always so soft and sweet, and they’re so easy to comply and to have under you,” San said, his lips almost brushing Yeosangs, “but with guys it’s more of a challenge.”  
San leaned in and pressed his lips gently against Yeosangs, allowing Yeosang to become hot and bothered just from the kissing alone. They weren’t even making out yet and Yeosang was already twitching in his arms  
“You see,” San said, pulling back, “guys lips are a bit rougher and a bit tougher. You can bite down a bit harder, and they’ll fight back. Making out with a guy is one of the hottest things you can ever do”  
“Didn’t i say to show me not tell me?” Yeosang asked, trying to be firm, but sounding more desperate to find San’s lips again  
San chuckled in return, a smirk adorning his lips and his eyes darkening considerably, “suit yourself.”  
San leaned in and pressed his lips against Yeosangs again, feeling the older boy easily become putty in his hands as their lips and tongues collided messily. The wet sounds of their kissing and the deep, soft groans coming from San’s throat were enough to already have him squirming  
San shoved him back against the pillows, lying him down while keeping their lips attached. Yeosangs lips tasted sweeter than San had ever pictured before, and he had pictured this many times  
San aligned their hips and began thrusting against him, their cocks rubbing together, but Yeosang seemed so sensitive, his hips bucking harshly with every thrust that San couldn’t help but ask  
“Did you jerk off in the shower?”  
Yeosang whined against San’s lips and nodded quickly, reconnecting their lips in a short breathed attempt to have San continue grinding against him  
“What were you thinking about baby?” San asked  
“You. Fuck. You. You haven’t left my mind since I first met you,” Yeosang said, “so fucking beautiful I couldn’t help myself”  
“And what did you want me to do baby?” San asked as he kissed Yeosangs birthmark, making his way down to his neck, before sucking harshly in a spot below his ear, knowing how sensitive it would be  
“This, fuck, this, please keep moving, wanna feel you please,” Yeosang desperately clutched San’s hips, forcing them to move against him again  
“So hard for me huh baby?” San asked, forcing his hips from Yeosangs grip and moving down, lifting up Yeosangs shirt and kissing down his chest and stomach, meeting the small trail of hair just before the elastic of his sweatpants  
“Just for you,” Yeosang whined as San gripped onto Yeosangs covered cock, sliding his hand up and down through the clothing and watching Yeosang as he started falling apart far quicker than he thought he would  
San pulled down Yeosangs sweatpants to reveal his hard and red cock, absolutely drooling out of the slit at San’s touch  
“Fuck you’re hot,” San cursed as he began jerking Yeosang off quickly, using his precum as lube to slick his way up and down, as Yeosang let out absolutely sinful moans and whines, San couldn’t help but to grind himself against the bedsheets, finally finding the friction he craved  
“Gonna cum. Fuck. San I’m gonna cum,” Yeosang warned, and right before Yeosang hit his high, San reached down and pressed two fingers firmly against his perineum, causing Yeosang to positively scream as he came.  
San so desperately wanted to watch Yeosang as he went through his entire high, but as Yeosang came, so did San, seeing white hot as his cock twitched and released in his pants  
It was uncomfortable but so so worth it  
Both San and Yeosang came to sooner than later and San got up and retrieved a warm, damp cloth, wiping Yeosang down gently as Yeosang pressed more kisses against his lips and giggled, post orgasm bliss  
After San had changed and cleaned them both up, he crawled into bed against Yeosang, he was still half asleep, but watching his every move with adoring eyes  
“So, uhm, that was really nice,” Yeosang said shyly, his voice lowering as he asked the question that had been burning a hole through his brain forever, “do you like me?”  
San couldn’t help but laughs a bit at that, “no stupid. I kissed you, jerked you off and came in my pants like a teenager because I fucking hate you. Yes of course I like you you goddamn idiot”  
And both of them laughed, sharing kisses together before drifting off to sleep peacefully

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr @ ateezlust ok thx


End file.
